I wish I was high or drunk Or bleeding or puking Or starving or bingeing Or dead or getting there
I’m scaring him and I don’t want to but I can’t help that I don’t want to live and don’t want to be anyone’s burden anymore. I can’t help he doesn’t understand what it’s like in my head
Never good enough
I’m so alone and I guess I always have been. I’ve always been a secondary friend to most people and I’ll always be second best. I have no one when I’m not at school and even there I’m an outcast in my group of “friends” He’s always going to put me second to baseball and no matter how hard I try I’ll always be a “temporary” worker at my lousy job, no matter how much I work my ass off and bend over backwards to prove myself. I’m struggling to hold onto sanity and to not slip back into the deep depression I used to be in but its useless. Promises mean nothing when he’s in Florida, ignoring me for the game he loves, so I’ll go back to cutting and find a way to explain it away when break is over. It’s the only way to keep myself from losing hold of everything. I’m slowly losing my mind but I can’t let anyone at home or school find out……
No one gives a shit about me or what I do. I have no real, true friends you know the ones who stick by your side no matter what, talk to you often, and actually try to hangout. I’ve given up on ever being happy. Promises mean nothing when he’s miles away so I might break my streak and go back to cutting, it’s the only way to get through all this bullshit and even if he finds out I won’t care, he left me here….alone with nothing. fuck everything I wanna just give up
